Marriage Is Not For Wimps

         A friend of mine described an argument with her husband.  Someone came to the door asking for a donation.  Her husband gave the person money.  My friend asked her husband, “How much did you give them?”  Her husband said, “It’s none of your business, all our money is mine - don’t ask!”  Then my friend became very angry, stopped cooking dinner, stayed away from her husband all evening and slept on the couch that night.

         Do you think arguments are an important part of marriage?  Why or why not?  What are right ways to argue?  What are wrong ways to argue?  Give examples from your own life or from the lives of people you have observed.

         Do you think arguments are an important part of any close relationship in a friendship, family or employee-employer relationship?  How do you handle conflict in general?  Are you afraid of it and avoid it?  Or are comfortable with it and face it?  Or do you like it and start it?

         Sometimes we don’t want to tell someone the truth - why we’re breaking up with them, why we’re quitting our job, why we’re mad at them  - because we don’t want an argument.  Yet it can be important to let someone know why we are making a change.  What are the costs and benefits of being truthful when it leads to conflict?  Give examples.

         What are the “rules” for a “good” argument?  That is, what are rules that will help you argue in a way that will not damage you or the other person?





An early church leader gives advice about how people should relate to each other.   What would you change about his advice?  What do you agree with?  How well would this work in a marriage?  Explain.

         “Set aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.

         “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.

         “Let no unwholesome word come from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, giving grace to those who hear.

         “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you.”    Ephesians 4:25ff selections